Yesterday, the sun was so warm. The wind blew delicately and I saw a couple of birds hugged each other. It was very beautiful day to spend time in a park. I was sitting alone on a bench in a park when I started to wonder about you. How have you been? It was one of the questions I wanted to ask to you.

I took out my cigarette and lighted it up then the sky filled with smoke. Somehow I felt my pain little bit relieve. “Yes, I was sick Diana. I was desperate. I felt I had no reason to live since you ran away from my life.” That would be my answer if you asked me “how have you been?”

When I was smoking, I looked at two children, a boy and a girl. They were chasing each other. Their moms came to the park to look for them and take them home. Those two children attempted to hide in bushes. But their attempt failed. The boy struggled to run away from his mom.

He asked the girl to join in with him. But the boy’s mom pinched his ear and the boy cried. They were reminding me about us, didn’t they? It was funny to see them. I wish you were here. “Where are you now? Are you like those children that hiding in bushes to avoid their mom?”

I wondered.

I slept on the bench when the rain was falling. When I was sleeping, I dreamed about you. In my dream, you were very beautiful with your black wavy hair and white dress. You smiled at me and you threw sight into huge cumulonimbus cloud that approached us slowly. I wanted to say to you “I’m sorry. I just have realized that you love me so much in that time. But I was too dumb to realize that earlier. I was too busy in that time. I didn’t give you any care because I was busy with my job. I was too selfish in that time. I never gave you call or ask about your day. I even didn’t come to your mom funeral and I often judged you that you were cheating on me.”

But I couldn’t say that. I felt my mouth frozen. My knees weakened then I fell to the ground.

I woke up. I was wet and sad. I imagined myself was talking to you “I just want to say I miss you. But before you run away again, I want you to know. I don’t want we come back together like we were in old days and I don’t regret my decision that made us separate. But I do regret when I realized that I could have treated you better when we were still together. I hope we can continue our story. I will treat you better.”

If it were too hard to say, I would have simply said to her,

“How have you been?”.

Arya Surya Pratama.